The pain free death.
The good death.
The humane death.
The debated death.
Working in a field where euthanasia is an everyday topic, influences the way you think about death.
I would be lying if I said it does not affect you. I would be lying if I said you don’t get used to it.
Humane euthanasia, in regards to animals, is a tricky subject to discuss. On one hand it allows the relief of unbearable pain and suffering in the most humane and peaceful way possible. On the other hand, it is also used to control populations and solve overcrowding.
I have spent some nights lying in bed thinking about my workday, and then cried myself to sleep because it all hit me at once. The impact I had that day and the job I had to do. And you can’t help but wonder if it changes your soul a little more every day.
When I started working at my local county shelter, the building was a small outdated and dingy place that could barely house 20 dogs and 20 cats. The number of animals taken in far exceeded the space available. The city and county around us was growing and as population density increased so did the number of stray and unwanted animals. Due to space constraints, and not many animals being adopted out at a steady rate, the only solution the shelter had was to humanely euthanize excess animals. No matter their temperament, color, breed or size. When there wasn’t room, we had to make room.
It was a hard reality to get used to. Especially since I had worked in a veterinary clinic prior to the shelter and was used to pet owners who, for the most part, cared about their animals. As an open admissions county shelter we had to take whatever the public brought in. Boxes and boxes of cats and kittens. Many stray dogs that no one would ever look for. It was the easy way for the public to solve their problem… by making it our problem. I don’t know what people assumed would happen after they drop these living beings off to a place that is already overwhelmed, but I doubt they stopped to think about the dark side of what the staff is required to do. In an ideal world every animal would find a loving new owner. But we live in the real world, not the ideal world. Soon after I started my job we were able to move into a brand new, larger shelter facility. This afforded us more space and kennels, but the front door to the public was still open and the boxes of kittens kept coming.
My very first day at work I was assisting with the euthanasia of a cat. The animal was scared and got away from us, resulting in myself and my supervisor being bitten. The staff was afraid I’d quit that day. It has been over 14 years since that first bite and I am still here.
When a litter of kittens came in who showed signs of ringworm it was an automatic euthanasia sign off. I’m a sucker for kittens so this resulted in me taking the kittens home to foster, much to the dismay of my husband, then boyfriend, who assisted me with their daily medicated baths. It took some time but they all got a clean bill of health and were adopted out eventually. And although I couldn’t save every kitten that month from certain death, I was able to save those four.
That has been the theme of my life since then. You can’t save them all – but you can save some.
The tiny meows coming from the cat receiving room pulled at my heart strings every time. I couldn’t help but look what tiny creatures had just been dropped off. They were helpless with goopy eyes and matted fur that someone had plucked from underneath a bush or found in a barn. More often than not they ended up coming home with me and spent the next month or two as part of my family. Sometimes I was able to secure homes for them through friends and acquaintances, and other times they came back to the shelter and were adopted fairly quickly since most people prefer a kitten to an older cat. And then I heard another tiny meow in receiving and it would start all over again.
There were days when the shelter took in around 20 kittens. Most of those never left. Those were the ones my coworkers and I couldn’t save. Those were there the ones we had no room or foster homes for. Those were the ones that had tiny needles injecting euthanasia solution into their tiny veins, and those were the ones that made me cry myself to sleep at night.
Euthanasia of animals is performed in many different ways. There are some that border on barbaric and I was fortunate that our shelter at least had the most humane method of pentobarbital injection. One of the first things I was taught, and had to be certified in, was the process of euthanasia by injection. This involves practicing and assisting with many euthanasia’s of various animals. Cats and dogs were plentiful, and we also had the occasional raccoon or bird. Each had a dose of drugs that had to be calculated according to the size and species you were dealing with, and the method the injection was to be administered. I had to study the material and pass a test. The last step required our shelter veterinarian to observe me and sign off on my certification. I was now someone licensed to kill.
It is amazing, and terrifying, how quickly one gets used to performing this sterile, straight forward, matter of fact act of death. When it is part of your every work day you develop a callous around your heart. You learn to become numb to the act. Perhaps a coping mechanism that allows you to keep going instead of completely losing your soul to it.
When someone brings in their old dog, who is barely walking and has tumors growing all over its body, it is a blessing to be able to relieve this animal from the uncomfortable suffering their world has become. When I found a cat with a collar imbedded into its neck and jaw, because it had gotten stuck this way weeks ago and was in excruciating pain, it is a blessing to be able to relieve its suffering in mere seconds. When a kitten is brought in with neurological issues that render it helpless and facing certain slow death, it is a blessing to provide a peaceful death.
When someone brings in their aggressive dog because they have failed to properly socialize and train him, and now he is a liability they no longer wish to deal with, it is my curse to be the one to send him to the rainbow bridge after so many humans have failed him. When someone brings in the box with 6 kittens, all covered in fleas and barely able to breathe through the clogged noses of their upper respiratory infection, it is my curse to be the one to hold them one last time and release them from a world they’ve spent mere weeks in.
Humane euthanasia is a blessing and a curse.
Euthanasia in animal welfare is something most don’t wish to discuss and everyone has an opinion about. Some believe that every animal should be saved while others recognize this humane death as the relief it can be. It becomes a very heated debate when euthanasia is utilized as a way to control populations and overcrowding. Fingers are pointed and entire agencies blamed. At the root of it all is the basic fact that the problems exist because the general public doesn’t want to concern themselves with responsible pet ownership. Humans created these domestic animals but refuse to properly manage them. Unrealistic expectations are thrust on shelter and rescue workers and when the outcome is upsetting to the public it is these underpaid, overworked animal welfare employees who a villainized. In my years of working in this field I have heard just about every misinformed opinion from the public.
This topic will be revisited often in my future posts.
